can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
