I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
