I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
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dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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