Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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