i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
