dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
