I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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