Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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