Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just had sex on a roof
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
