Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize