This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
