So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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