Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize