ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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