Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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