hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
