____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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