omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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