So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
