this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
