I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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