If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
