cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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