Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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