I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
