First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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