do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I need a burrito and a hug.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
