Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
