Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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