Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
someone owes me an orgasm
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
