well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
