If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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