omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we're so committed to being not committed
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