What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
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He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
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The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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