We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.