I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"