he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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