This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.