you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
