stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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