Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
