Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
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You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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