Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
