Pregnant stripper...not hot.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
