If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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