I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
