Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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