Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
