Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
