I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
