Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
