there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
