A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
