Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
