I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
