make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
