Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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